Hello world! It's almost become convention to start these with "It's been a long time?". Well, it has! Like always, I don't have a good reason. This extended break however has given me a lot of time to think about my next topic. I was originally going to write a piece on dealing with happiness but things have taken a turn for the worse and now here we are talking about sad things again. Let's start with the story shall we?
If you may recall, I am a runner. The previous dealing with disappointment piece was inspired from a failed track season. In the fall, I run cross country. Up until about a week ago, the season couldn't be more perfect. I qualified for the big meet that I failed to even come close to last year. That night after the qualifying meet was one of the best nights in my life thus far. Everything was perfect and I couldn't be bothered by anything else. That's when I started writing the (now scrapped) piece on dealing with happiness. When the day of the big meet came around, I was ready to have a final good race to close an amazing season. However, things went horrible askew and I ended up running the worst race in my life. Now, this may seem petty but you have to understand what this race meant for me. For me, it was like making the Olympics. It is the biggest high school cross country race in Canada and I was ready to show off how ready I was for it. But since I ran so poorly, I was by myself for the majority of the race, getting passed by people that I normally am so far ahead off, I never see. It was more than a disappointment, it was humiliation, disgrace, and a kick to the gut all in one. I felt like I didn't deserve any of the happiness I had found this season because of this poor showing. Right when the world (or country) was watching, I choked and made myself look like a fool and an idiot. I wanted to slap myself for ever thinking that I was good at running. More importantly, I felt like this might be the only time I would ever make this race and I ruined it. To make matters worse, the week immediately after was plagued with tests and presentations for school. Most of which, I did poorly as well. These constant disappointments and blows to my ego all piling up on each other was big enough to put me in a slump.
And a couple days after it is all sorted out, here I am writing this on my computer. To be honest, I don't know what the reason is, but sometimes in your life, the whole universe comes together and says: "See that guy? Let's screw him over". Sometimes it is just a small thing while other times, it can be blow after blow after blow. And once you're on the ground beaten and defeated, life may just give you another kick to the face just for good measure.
But you know what? If life was free of struggles and pain, it would lose its value. Life is an extreme and lucky case of variables that shouldn't otherwise be. By looking at the numbers, it's amazing that we live as long as we do. There are so so so many ways to die but there is only one way to stay alive. That's what makes it so beautiful. At any given moment, you could lose everything; it's the most volatile thing in existence. Life. You know those rare moments when everything is just right? It could happen at any time but when it does, you're happy it did. You could be washing the dishes or taking your dog out for a walk but then it hits you. You're just happy. There's no logical reason for it, but you're just perfectly at peace with the world and enjoying being alive. Without disappointment and the other terrible feelings associated with it, there's no low point in our journeys. Imagine an action adventure movie where there is no conflict. What would it be? What would life be?
It's taken a lot of thinking and pondering to come to this conclusion. This isn't to say that I'm going to stop trying to improve my running and grades. But it does say that when you're in your lowest of lows, know that everyone goes through this process. And most importantly, remember that it's the reason that life is worth living. Thanks everybody, take care of yourselves. I'll catch y'alls next time.
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